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Puerto Vallarta, Sayulita, and Montezuma's Revenge

I've lost track of how many times I've been to Mexico since I first went to Tijuana (in 2002? 2003?) for a night of carefree and sweaty dancing with two of my best gals, where we could drink freely without needing our abysmal but somehow effective fake IDs. (And not sure how it really is at the border these days, but back then, our only worries consisted of making sure to not drunkenly vomit while walking back into the US, and deciding on which side of the border we'd buy and devour our inevitable dirty dogs - YUM, and recipe forthcoming.)

On this particular unnumbered trip, though, I was stricken with a pretty intense case of Montezuma's Revenge, replete with fever and vomiting, yay (not)! Luckily, it happened towards the end of our trip, when the sun was not as intense, which meant that I wasn't, in addition to dying, silently whining about missing out on the level of dark-ass tan I had been so intent on getting. I'd hate to blame it on a delicious margherita pizza, as pizza has never let me down in all my years on this earth, butttttt it probably was the pizza. Darn.

But before all that - Puerto Vallarta. We stayed at the Garza Blanca Preserve Resort and Spa, a 5-star hotel which is about 30 minutes south of the airport. I wish we'd taken greater advantage of its amenities (i.e., the gym, the panoramic pool, etc.) and the entire place in general, but I'm more of a super lazy, lie-in-the-sun type when on vacation, plus I was essentially traveling with J's carcass for the first few days since someone was majorly jet-lagged and sleeping NONSTOP. Anyway, this place was the BOMB. The older I get and the more I travel, the more entitled I feel to stay in luxurious places (haha), and this one checked all the boxes. We had a corner balcony with a jacuzzi and a view, marble floors, an indoor hot tub, way more space than we needed but which I appreciated. But perhaps the most integral item on my luxury checklist is whether I wouldn't mind sitting on the shower/bathroom floor. Is it grimy or dusty? That's a no. Is it conducive to lying down in the event that I'm wasted or sick? That's luxury, baby.

Unfortunately, Montezuma waited until we were in Sayulita to strike me down. We stayed at the Hotel Peix Sayulita, which, while on the beach, super cute, and with the most fun, gracious, and welcoming staff, is still a 2-star hotel. This meant that it was comfortable for a beach-front stay, but not the most ideal place to slowly die over the course of two days. I just feel like the marble floors would have come in handy during my vomitous episode, but also, when it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. There are definitely way worse places to "suffer."

In the end, it's kind of funny that I got sick, because it was only days prior that I was heavily complaining about various aspects of my life, including but not limited to my body, my eating habits, and my insecurities (all of which are in my control, but you know how it is when you're in complaining af mode). I may or may not have cursed the gods on that day, and in return, they cursed me back LOUDLY but also gave me a fresh perspective on the stuff I was upset about. Montezuma - 1. Sharon - 1ish.


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