Slacker's Friday


*Not from Friday but from a version of a Friday

It's no secret that I'm a bit of a slacker. I'm basically semi-retired without being 65+ (or whatever the age is now to be eligible to retire), having social security to live off of, or grandkids. I have three jobs, but in all honesty, I work an average of 15-20 hours a week. In even further honesty, that sounds egregiously generous. Like I said, it's an average. Some weeks I work more, some way less. As a result, the only thing I ever stress about is money. If I hustled, I'd have more money (obvs). But then I'd have to give up my semi-retired charmed life. And I'm not ready to do that yet or ever. I suppose one could say I dedicate my hustle to my spiritual life and not getting fat. Any leftover hustle goes to getting a solid 8 hours of sleep a night.


Here is a breakdown of what I did on Friday, though it's not necessarily typical:


7:15 AM - I set an alarm for 7:15 (alarm ringtone is "Calling All My Lovelies" by Bruno Mars in case you were dying to know), which I RARELY DO. One perk of being a semi-retired slacker is that I don't ever set an alarm unless I'm waking up for an early-ass flight. OT at 8? If I wake up, I'll go. If not, swaha/I'll go later/never. I guess that's why I don't usually book an 8am anything.


(On a typical day, I wake up whenevs, getting out of bed usually around 8 or 9, which isn't too bad, and I meditate.) On this day, I snoozed three times, pottied, neti potted, put on makeup, and set out to...


8:30 AM - Take Pacquito to the vet for his dental procedure at 9am. I was under the impression they were going to have to remove 2 tiny teeth out of the 6 he has left, so both of us were sweating in our underarm areas. More on that later.


9:15 AM - After apologizing profusely to and dropping off my dog-child, I moseyed to work (the longest-running one), where I completed unrelated work tasks since I didn't have actual work, then boldly walked out/sneaked out after about an hour.


10:30 AM - Left work, worked a bit at home on my laptop for job #2, put away about 1/18th of clean laundry, and meditated for 5 minutes.


11:45 AM - Matt picked me up for beach time, where it was HOT, hotter than usual! I didn't mind, duh. I baked myself, using sunscreen for the first time in a long time, though I was not without a slathering of my Maui Beach Babe browning lotion. I wanted to go into the ocean, but I'm always scared I'll be somehow caught in a riptide, so I just walked along and tried not to fall over when waves crashed into the side of my bad knee with the missing ACL. I also spent some time listening to a birthing playlist I made for a friend which I didn't end up using because she had to have an emergency C-section. I think the playlist is like 15 hours long (LOL). I read a bit of "The Four Noble Truths of Love" by Susan Piver which thus far (like 25 pages in), is excellent and comforting. Tried to nap, didn't happen, first world problem for real.


3:15 PM - Pizza stop on the way home. D'Amore's in Malibu. Gas station stop for an Ice Cream Snickers because I lack the discipline to change my diet even though I feel my insides crying and deteriorating.


4:30 PM - Fetched Pacquito who did not need any teeth extracted, as doing so would likely fracture his tiny jaw, the idea of which makes me want to vomit before killing myself. He did have a deep root cleaning which necessitates antibiotics and pain medication for the next however many days. I was also hit with a $1,072 bill, to which I was like "Ummmm.... this is more than I was anticipating." I got it knocked down to $870 so still fuck my life, but for Pacquito I would sell your life and your children's kidneys on the black market. I wish I could put him on my insurance. If anyone wants to donate to Pacquito's dental health, feel free and thank you so much.


6:30 PM - Returned home and watched Pacquito nod off while standing/sitting like a tiny, cute heroin addict.


8:00 PM - Failed to rinse off the layers of sweat, sunscreen, and tanning lotion as I had intended. Instead put on a clean outfit, brushed my teeth for 15 seconds, took a makeup wipe and wiped off all parts of my body that were exposed, messily smeared on hyaluronic rose scented lotion, sprayed my hair for about 20 seconds with dry shampoo, and fixed my face (I think I need to get a darker concealer for under my eyes, a simultaneous pro and con of the summertime tan). Ultimate slacker bath.


8:15 PM - Went to Local Peasant for a friend's birthday. It is walking distance, and I wanted to walk, but Matt had no interest in that, so we drove since "Nobody walks in LA." Two beers, Mexican corn, and a ceviche tostada later, we were out.


10:30 PM - Went to White Harte, also probably walking distance, but you know the song. Drank an Irish Car Bomb for the first time, which was not as horrid as I was anticipating. Ate trash food (i.e., anything fried dipped in ranch), which is par for the course at 10:30 at a bar.


3:00 AM - Go to sleep (wtf) only to wake up in 6 hours to make it to yoga to sweat out all the alcohol and grease from the night before.



1. Maui Babe Browning Lotion - The smell is reminiscent of soy sauce, but I try to think of the scent as effective rather than culinary.


2. Sun Bum Sunscreen Spray - If I didn't use this shit I would be way more crispy and burnt than I am now, so good job, me!


3. Fuji Apples - How you like them apples? If roughly 20 degrees warmer than room temperature, then perfect, because that's how I had mine after sitting in my beach bag for 3 hours.


4. Ice Cream Snickers - ICE CREAM SNICKERS SHITS ON REGULAR SNICKERS. The end of that story.


5. D'Amore's Pizza - A slice of pepperoni and a Coke Classic will heal a heat headache.


6. Turkish Towel - Sarong, beach towel, hair towel, hammam towel, the possibilities are endless! Or can be counted up to 10. I brought one to India to use as a regular towel and it did the job without taking up a ton of room in my suitcase, and I definitely needed a towel because India doesn't have towels. Joking.


7. Sunnies - I honestly don't know if I like or don't like having a sunglasses tan. It's a fine line between built-in concealer/highlighter and an actual fine line between the colors red and white on your face.


8. Nalgene for the water - I think I talk about water in every post. I wish I could get my life sponsored by water. Financially, not literally, because literally, if you think about it, water does sponsor us all.


9. Bikini, duh - I want to care more about the ethics of buying shit super cheap, but this bathing is $15, and not all of us are super excited to spend $300 on a bikini when we could spend $15. Maybe it's just me, I don't know.


10. The Four Noble Truths of Love - Would I die without having a book to read at the beach? No. Would I want to die without having a book to read? Maybe. After binging on the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy, I've moved back/on to self-help, and I'm open to all the help my self can get! (Note - lack of slacking in this area, see?)


11. Makeup Wipes - Not just for makeup! For armpit stink and arms and legs and the neck and, dare I say, your private areas. The lazy person's savior!


12. Dry Shampoo Spray - Honestly what did we do before dry shampoo spray? Personally, I used dry shampoo powder, which is a bit more work than a spray. Amen to the sprays! Not amen to whatever it might be doing to the ozone, eek!

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