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Surviving Life on the Road

Houston, 2013

First of all, the title of this post is misleading for several reasons:

1) It implies that I live on the road. I do not. I have been entering and exiting tour bus road life on whims for the last 8 years or so, coinciding with self-imposed long weekends scheduled primarily to maintain the life of my relationship and secondarily to party.

2) It implies that survival is attainable. This is debatable.

somewhere in Europe, 2014

It’s been two weeks since I was last with the circus, and I can say without question that I never feel the effects of aging more than when I have returned home from a weekend of living and sleeping in a moving party morgue. It used to be so easy! We used to have more room to sleep, I swear. I keep asking everyone, “Are you sure the bunks didn’t used to be wider? Just a little bit?” Sleep was never elusive. It was simply the satisfying cherry on top of the cake of blissful drunkenness. I was also in my 20s (the tail-end of them, but the 20s nonetheless). It can be quite the bitch to make attempts to maintain one's home habits, like showering or brushing one's teeth regularly, but intermittent hotel stays are the most welcome respite imaginable. It's a tough job, being a touring musician or a roadie, but someone's got to join every so often to drink their beer and smoke their weed (me).

Here - how those who have lived on a tour bus during the summer months (and beyond) survive: Sleep.” – J; Bulby (Proper sleep aids: wax earplugs and ambient music.)

Music.” – Mike B. (That's a true lover of music - living and breathing music for work, then doing it after work.)

Alone time.” – Gerrad aka Huck

Beer.” – Bryan

"Weed, vinyl, Gucci." - Hoss

Nespresso, bunk organization, a good bag, i.e., Patagonia.” – Jess

I say yes to all of the above, and here are my recommendations, though this list is not exhaustive:

1. Fuzzy soft blankets! It's more of a transitional object, but it does get cold as balls on the bus. Plus, it's nice to bring with you what little bits of home you can manage.

2. Face wipes – Changes in altitude and air mixed with alcohol and unfamiliar surroundings are solid grounds for jawline zits. Face wipes are a girl's best friend right before bedtime in which sleep is unfortunately not really an actual thing.

3. Comfy sleeping clothes - soft on soft on soft. This needs no further explanation.

4. Ideal pillow with an ideal pillowcase. I don't remember as a kid giving a shit about the hardness/softness of my pillows, but here we are.

5. Meditation! Self care! Art! A decent attitude! Communication! Negative energy is a real ass thing, and if you catch yourself being the bearer of such, check yourself cause it's contagious and the last thing any/everyone needs when living in such close quarters for extended periods of time.

6. Fuzzy socks. Like I said, it gets cold as balls sometimes, which I suppose is better than hot as balls. I'd rather be bundled up than immersed in everyone else's floating sweat particles and stank.

7. Slippahs - For easy moving about, for example, when rushing to potty (pee only on the bus).

8. Water! My god it gets dry. Hydration is ultimate for internal and external survival.

9. Plastic bags for vomiting or pooping, as one is not allowed to do either into the bus toilets. Luckily I haven’t needed this, but I once came very close, and I was given two trash bags in the event I was stricken with both. I do believe mindful breathing kept me at bay. Also, it's a good idea to (try to) poo before getting on the bus before nighty-night time.

10. Exercise - To temper the effects of partying hard, this is a duh. Thank god for OT, which is almost everywhere.


I'm probably missing a ton of shit - fill me in!

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Jul 09, 2019

Sooooo funny moo!

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